Category Archives: Park Information

I’m Just Going to Say It: This “Pooh Sized” Stuff Is Bullshit

Read our apology letter to Jezebel here.

I posted about “Pooh Sized” Disney World guests the other day, and I did it very cautiously. I didn’t want to offend heavy people, and I still don’t. But now that I think about it, my distaste for the word “pooh sized” and my shock over the immense number of obese people in Disney World is a fact that I shouldn’t be ashamed in admitting.

Listen, I love it when people celebrate their bodies and all that. But there is nothing cute about being morbidly obese. I am so glad that Disney accommodates people who are overweight (some parks don’t.) I want everyone to be able to ride Space Mountain and The Haunted Mansion. But let’s call it what it is. If you’re 5’5″ and weigh 200 pounds, you are obese. You might have high blood pressure or cholesterol, diabetes, heart disease, respiratory problems, gout, reproductive complications, bladder control issues, or psychological disorders or other serious conditions. That’s not cute, it’s scary.

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Filed under Bitch It Out, Park Information, unsolicited opinions, Web

Too Fat To Ride

This isn’t new news, but it is crazy news. From calorielab.com:

In the original Anaheim Disneyland it may be a Small World after all, but that world’s inhabitants are getting bigger and heavier almost by the day, so much so that some of the rides may have to be re-engineered. The problem, quite simply, is that the flume that the boats ride in, and the boats themselves, were designed and built in 1963 on the assumption that the male adult riders would average 175 pounds and the women about 135, which they pretty much did at the time. The ride now must accommodate adults who frequently weigh north of 200 pounds, which it often cannot do. Increasingly, overweighted boats get to certain points in the ride and bottom out, becoming stuck in the flume.

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Filed under Attractions, Kick Ass Things, Park Information, Rides

Save a Ride – Go to the Carousel of Progress

In a corner of Tomorrowland that you’d miss if you weren’t looking for it there’s an old classic called “Carousel of Progress”. If you love Disney this is not news to you, but when was the last time you saw the show? It was personally created by Walt Disney for the 1964-65 New York World’s Fair and the rotating theater  tells the story of the evolution of technology in the 20th century.

It’s lame and bordering on “so bad it’s good”, but I love it.  The dad is a goofball that talks in clichés about his family and the last scene – the “modern scene” needs a serious update. It’s obvious that they are losing interest in it because the seats in the theater are falling apart and the carpet is worn.

Compared to the newer attractions it might seem silly but you can’t really compare it to the newer attractions. It’s Disney history – think of it as a museum. It’s a glimpse of old timey Disney, of Walt himself. Don’t let it die! Go on your next visit so that they don’t do anything crazy, like retire it.

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Filed under Attractions, Park Information

The New Improved Star Tours Is Open

The entire attraction has been upgraded, even the queue, and it’s  3D courtesy of Industrial Light and Magic. It sounds great, but I’ll bet it still makes me feel like puking.

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Filed under Attractions, Park Information

Don’t Piss Off The Monorail Driver (and other useful advice)

He looks friendly enough, but don't cross him.

Here’s something the guide books don’t warn you about – monorail drivers don’t put up with any shenanigans.

Once when I was returning by myself from the Magic Kingdom to the Polynesian Resort I was alone in a car with a dad and his 8 or 9-year-old daughter. We were just about to pull  into the transportation and ticket center and we stopped – just short of the platform.

For a couple of minutes nothing happened and then the loudspeaker came on. A scratchy, undecipherable voice was telling us something that sounded like, “Can I have your attention please, the monorail crackle, crackle, crackle so please don’t crackle crackle crackle and don’t crackle crackle crackle thank you.”

The dad and I looked at each other; “What did he just say?” Was it maintenance? A break down? A terrorist attack? Continue reading

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Filed under Bitch It Out, Park Information

Disney Boners for Dads

It’s the little things that make Disney World so great, wouldn’t you agree? I love Disney rides and the food and fireworks, but what I really love is watching creepy dads watch the belly dancer in EPCOT’s Morocco.

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Filed under Attractions, Kick Ass Things, Park Information

The American Idol Experience at Walt Disney World

I’m home, and laughing to myself a little when I’m explaining to people that we didn’t go into the Magic Kingdom or Animal Kingdom even once the whole time we were at Walt Disney World. We watched the fireworks over the castle from the California Grill on the roof of the Contemporary Resort, but that was it.

What did we do? For one thing, we went to “The American Idol Experience” at Disney Hollywood Studios three times – well, I did. Lauren went twice. I’m a little obsessed with it now, and I’m kind of dying to see if any of the winners we saw will ever make it to the real show. Continue reading

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Filed under Attractions, Park Information

Hey Hey It’s A Monkee

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I was just telling Lauren how gross it was when women like me didn’t act their ages, and then Davy Jones made me eat my word. Last night at EPCOT’s America’s Garden Theater I was dancing, blowing kisses to him and singing like a drunken sailor to “Daydream Believer” and “I’m a Believer” along with a crowd of others like me reliving their long ago youth.

Davy was there as part of the Flower and Garden Festival’s Flower Power Concert Series and he reminded us that his TV show “The Monkees” was on 45 years ago! I was in grade school, just so you know, and Davy was my first crush. On the show he was the one that all the girls fell in love with (Mike was the smart one, Mickey the silly one, Peter the dumb one and Davy the cute one). I’ve read that only Mike actually knew how to play a musical instrument when the show started, and the others were just faking it but it was wildly popular.

He’ll be back tonight and tomorrow night ladies, so come out to EPCOT and “do the monkey” – the dance, not the Monkee.

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Filed under I'm Getting Sentimental, Jealous?, music, Park Information

The Best Movie Disney Ever Made

In 1996 I was in sixth grade and new to the Walt Disney World scene, and my mom sent for the free promotional video before one of our trips. It quickly became the most watched thing in our video casette library. I begged to watch it over and over, every day. I didn’t know what promotion meant, I just thought this was an awesome video that was getting me even more exciting about going to Disney World. I was a marketer’s dream.

How exciting that I can watch this video once more, as a full blown adult. It’s split into three parts, below. Make sure to catch the ridiculously 80′s moment at 1:53 and the ridiculously adorable moment at 2:05 in the first video:

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Filed under I'm Getting Sentimental, Park Information, Web

Dear Disney: More Flying Stuff, Please.

Word on the street is, with the Magic Kingdom renovation comes another set of flying Dumbos. And this is a genius idea. The Dumbo Ride is iconic for many reasons–it’s been around since 1971, it takes you soaring over theMagicKingdom, and since there are no height requirements, it’s good for everyone. If you wanted a photo opp, this might be the ride you’d want to be seen on.

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Filed under Park Information, Rides