She hasn't been there with a child since she was one. (And even then, she swore. A LOT.)
I know I just returned from Disney World, but in true Lauren form, I’m on my way back again at the beginning of June. (Lucky me!) This time will be different, though. This time, Mom won’t be there. My boyfriend (whom for legal reasons shall be referred to as NEIL from this moment forward) and I are meeting up with Neil’s brother, his sister-in-law, and his seven-year-old niece.
This trip is important for a few reasons. First of all, I don’t want to freak my boyfriend out and make him want to kill me. He is normal, I am not. I’ll have to cool it, sister.
Secondly, I have never met Neil’s family and I want to make a good impression. I have already mailed the niece a Minnie Mouse backpack with an autograph book and Tink pen inside, but I realize that I cannot simply buy her love. I’m going to have to be cool. But she’s shy! So I’ve got to be calm. And I have to be fun! But I don’t want her to think I’m crazy. And I don’t want to scare her away. And I don’t want her parents to hate me, either.
The third reason this trip is important is because I haven’t been to Disney World with a child since I was a child. Much has changed in the parks (like, the entire Animal Kingdom, etc.) but I have changed, too. 27-year-old Lauren likes to sleep in and drink a lot. Go to Dance Hall! Dance Hall! Avoid lines at all cost. Avoid the Magic Kingdom, if necessary. Eat at fancy, child-shunning restaurants with amazing wine lists. Swear my ass off. But I’m don’t think that the niece will want to have fun this way. And this is her trip, after all. I have had my trip a million times. She has never been and every moment belongs to her and her cute little self.
My question: what do you do with a seven-year-old in the park these days? I was hoping to take her to a stage show, like The Little Mermaid or American Idol. And I think she’d really like Kim Possible. I don’t think she’d like The American Adventure but I want to make her do it anyway. She’s old enough for Splash Mountain, right? Spaceship Earth is a must, because I’m going to try to turn her into a Nerd Jr. version of myself. I’d love to get her on Toy Story Mania in Disney Studios, but who do you have to sleep with to get on that ride? (I’m seriously asking. I’ll do it.) The only time I have been able to score a spot was on that ride was during a press trip when I got to go to the front of every line, without even having to sleep with anyone.
We’re staying at the Polynesian, so maybe she’ll hula with me. I can be drunk for that, right? You know how I feel about drinking alcohol out of pineapples.
Also: how will I curb my swearing?
I think the trick my parents used was to wear the kids out doing all day with kids-stuff (Magic Kingdom is a must for 7 year old girls, sorry). After a full day of that and the kids should be docile enough not to remember the adult’s antics of the night. Win-win!
things that my little sister has loved in disney (which sometimes seriously contradicts what i love to do in disney)
1. making a mask and adding to it at each stop in epcot’s world showcase (not sure if they still do this, but it is worth a shot) (p.s. – i hated this)
2. dinner at les chefs de france (ratatouille used to come to each table) – we got an early, early dinner reservation so as to not offend other guests who had no desire to eat dinner with an 8 year old ogling a rat
3. being bribed to go on the scary rides… we all wanted to ride Everest and get it over with, without waiting in the parent switch-off ride. we got her to do it by bribing her with a baby yeti stuffed animal. that little girl was on the ride so fast and didn’t let go of her yeti for the rest of the day. she continued to try this throughout the trip, casing out the gift store first and then demanding something to go on the ride. it got less and less cute.
4. matching. she got a huge kick out of everyone wearing mickey ears, everyone wearing purple on the same day, everyone wearing mickey stickers, etc.
it’s the little things.
and if you want to get on toy story midway mania… we’ve done it twice, but you have to have someone take all of your resort passes and RUN to the fastpass line as soon as the park opens. you will probably see the ride around 9 PM at night, but at least you’ll see it!