This is pretty accurate, but there are definitely things they forgot. I’m working on a new one of my own. What should I add?
I’m in Hawaii to celebrate the opening of Aulani, Disney’s newest resort in Ko’Olina and the number one thing I am feeling is guilt. It is so lovely, and I feel so lucky that I get to be here. There are so much shitiness in the world, and I’m here. Snorkeling, drinking, laying by the beach, repeatedly going down the water slide.
People ask us for advice all the time about their Disney trips and the question that I dread having to answer is this: Should I do Disney in August? Continue reading
To many film critics or people with good movie taste, Disney’s 1992 musical about an 1899 New York City newsboy strike Newsies was a bust. But to anyone who was an 8-year-old girl the first time she saw it and had pretty much zero standards for film finesse, it became an obsession. My friends and I memorized all the songs, dreamed of doing the dances, and broke at least one Newsies VHS from over-use. Today, there are lots of girls in my generation who love this movie for the same reason of sentimentality that people in my generation love Goonies or The Sand Lot. These movies were awesome to us when we were younger, so even watching them now, we are under their spell.
You know, I never really wanted to live in a big house. My apartment is the size of Gandhi’s left buttcheek and I have a hard enough time trying to keep it clean. But the Walt Disney Woking Way Residence is for sale and if I had $3,650,000, I would be all over this shit. It truly is the actual real Happiest Place on Earth.
“Gated and historic home on large double lot, over one acre in total. Mediterranean entry, circular rotunda, painted ceilings, vaulted beamed ceilings, original stained leaded glass, Juliet balcony. The epic imagery: projection and screening room built for Walt Disney to watch his dailies, perhaps Snow White, Fantasia, Cinderella and enjoy private screenings. Beautiful floor plan: 4 bedrooms, 5 baths. Downtown views, pretty swimmer’s pool, billiard’s room with sleeping porch, 2 fun original bar areas and the original playhouse featured in The Man Behind the Myth. Renowned history from Hollywood royalty, yet… a place for your imprint could make this the happiest place on earth.”
My mom used to make me Mickey Mouse pancakes all the time, and every time she did I thought, Holy shit I am such a lucky girl! My mom is the funnest! And really, why don’t moms make Mickey Mouse pancakes every time? It’s not like it’s all that much harder, and the amount of increased pleasure is astronomical. Why the fuck would you be a lazy a-hole and make regular, circular pancakes when you could make these?
I have an idea for Disney – an adults only resort. I’m not talking about a den of sin with topless sunbathing or anything that would be offensive to main stream America, just one little oasis in the middle of Walt Disney World where children are not allowed.
I was thinking about themes, and Retro Vegas would be an obvious one. They could do a kind of Las Vegas Strip instead of Main Street, with all the old casinos like The Flamingo. There wouldn’t be real gambling; this is Disney so we don’t want it to get super seedy, just pretend seedy. You could win Disney Dollars or stuffed animals – the winnings aren’t the important thing, the atmosphere would be the draw. We could smoke and drink fancy cocktails all day long if we wanted – and mambo. I don’t know how to mambo but I’m sure some handsome Latin American Disney cast member could give us lessons by the pool. Continue reading